Saturday, July 29, 2006
promises..
in a terrible mood today..
well.. i think i have changed... again.. and this time a real bad one..
i think i have grown from bad to worst..
i made promises to myself.. for awhile.. i did it... but it soon all gone..
i'm now back to normal.. and even worst.. i don like the me now..
but who will noe..
i onli managed to hole on to this onelast promise i made..
which is to be happy infront of pp.. ( unless i really in a real bad mood.. )
not to let pp worry..
promises tat i have broken :-
1) i promised i will change my attitude.. eg. not so bad tempered.. obviously i failed..
2) i promised i will not act infront of pp.. and i did not..
3) i promised i will not cry anymore.. I FAILED!!!
4) i promised i will not be "kpo" abt pp's things.. and i'm being an extra now..
5) i promised i will smile no matter wat happens.. i'm always glum down..
6) i promised i will concentrate on studies onli now.. but i'm not studying hard enuff..
7) i promised i will not fall i love again.. but i terribly failed..
i'm hurting myself so much now tat i hate myself so much..
y must i have those crappy rubbish in my head..
y do i have so mani wishful thinking.. daydream all day!!!
i now jus feels like torturing myself..
i feel like jus hitting the wall everyday since i don even noe wat is pain..
i wan to skip meals..
i wan no doctors..
i wan to make myself sick...
i jus feel like killing myself wid a penknife....
wo yi jing bu zhi dao wo shi shui..
yi jing bu zhi dao shen me shi dui shen me shi cuo...
wo dao di shi shui? dao di shui cai shi dui wo zhen xin de???
8:46 AM
